Each week, Ouch My Ego‘s resident life coaches, Sara Montoya and Mario Leal, square off against one another, offering male and female perspectives on issues submitted by our readers. Send your boy/girl questions, concerns, grievances and scenarios to shehe@ouchmyego.com and let Mario and Sara weigh in on the dilemmas that ail you.

Dear She/He, So, I’ll get right to it. I love having sex. Who doesn’t, right? Anyway, I’ve been with my girlfriend for going on three years now, and we’re happy. We enjoy each other’s company, we make each other laugh, and, well, the sex is amazing. There’s one thing that I’m concerned about, however. I can’t help when I get turned on. She’s a beautiful girl, and sometimes I get off just looking at her. The problem is that some of those times she’s on her periodical, if I can say that. While I don’t mind making love during “that time of the month,” she won’t have it. What should I do? I don’t want to come across as selfish, but is there anything I can do to better show her that I don’t mind making love during that time, since i realize many guys do? Or do you guys think it’s a “her” thing? As in, while I don’t fully understand how this whole period thing works, does she feel uncomfortable doing it considering what her body is going through? Not the “discharge,” but simply the discomfort? Sometimes she doesn’t even want me touching her when she’s on her period. Let’s be clear, this won’t make or break our relationship. I love her too much, and this is utterly minimal. It’s simply something I would really like you guy’s input on. Thank you.                  -Annonymous

Sara:

Allow me to preface this by saying that this is one of the most romantic things I think I’ve read in a while. Kudos for making the topic of period sex sound so sweet.

Menstruation is a bitch. When girls get it, we celebrate for about half a second (“Yay! I’m not pregnant!”) and groan the rest of the time, anticipating a week of being a real-life case of Dr. Jekyll and Miss Hyde-Your-Snarkiness-Or-I-Will-Kill-You. Although we anticipate it every month, it’s still a huge bummer when it happens.

As if blood and blood clots oozing out of our lady parts for a week isn’t enough suckage, factor in being bloated, mind-numbing cramps, rollercoaster-like emotions, splitting headaches, and the general feeling of “ick” while trying to appear normal and trying to function like a ordinary person.

A lot of women are actually get more turned on when they’re on their period (hormones are crazy, I’m telling you). The fact that you’re not completely repulsed by all this is completely endearing and may act as an aphrodisiac. If she’s up for it, be sure to get creative with your escapades, as it will get messy. Also, period blood makes for a pretty great lubricant.

Your girlfriend rejecting your sexual advances during this time is probably due to the huge level of discomfort that she’s feeling. If that’s the case, remember to remain understanding. Be patient. Know that it’ll be over in a few days, and she’ll go back to being herself, sans the hemorrhaging.

But, all hope is not lost! If intercourse is out of the question, there are other options for keeping things steamy while she’s on her period. The thought of getting your red wings is gag-worthy for both sexes, but she probably understands that you need some lovin’ too. She may be willing to perform oral sex, try anal sex, sexual games, shower sex, or role playing. Use your imagination. Creativity and ingenuity is essential for any long-term relationship. Find ways to make her feel sexy while getting sexually fulfilled yourself. Try to make the best out of it. And always, always use protection.

Whether you get lucky or not, it sounds like you’re in an amazing relationship, so stock up on chamomile tea and perfect your backrubs, and I’m sure your girlfriend will thank you between the sheets when her week is over.

Mario:

Give her the options. If this is a fetish of yours, you’re going to have to talk about it that way. If this is just something that you’re NOT opposed to doing, then make sure you have a game plan.

I suggest you create your little business proposition before bringing this to her. Research it, buy necessary supplies (don’t show them to her before this discussion) and practice it at least once. There are sanitary and practical ways of getting around this (if that’s her argument), and there are actual benefits. However, I’d use the benefits as your last ditch effort, because if you lead with them, you’ll seem like a douche.

Supplies:

Instead Cup/Soft Cup: This is a device the female inserts around her cervix. It collects rather than absorbs. It can be messy (I’ve been told) when removing, but “worth it.” It may be difficult to find, but doable.

Towel: Place this under her back as it will keep the bed and sheets clean. You could even have a moist warm cloth around for clean up.

Diaphragm/Condoms/Dental Dams: Hopefully she has one (diaphragm), to avoid you the awkward purchasing of this. It will shape the cervix, help lessen bleeding, and help prevent pregnancy. Condoms are obviously used during ALL exchanging of sexual fluids. Dental dams will dam the flood, if you get my drift. These will not be as effective reducing blood as the Instead Cup, but even that’s not full proof.

Shower: Shower sex may be the way to go, as it’s easy clean up of environment and yourselves. It’s also not regulated to the bed, and may interest her.

Benefits:

Less risk of pregnancy: And isn’t that every guy’s unicorn? She ISN’T entirely RISK FREE, but as close as she’ll ever get.

Reduces cramps & downtime: Sex, the female orgasm really, helps alleviates cramps. So, make sure she gets hers if she’s willing to let you get yours. Also, sex during her cycle may also reduce the cycle by a few days.

You’re going to have to really stress how this isn’t a big deal. “There are alternatives. See, we can use these products. Clearly people use these things. Just get over it already.” I’d use that as a defense. Don’t make her the bad guy though, as this may want her to shut down on sex altogether.

4 COMMENTS

  1. “There are alternatives. See, we can use these products. Clearly people use these things. Just get over it already.”

    don’t use that line. that will probably make the girl who is already hormonal, angry. “get over it already” sounds like, man up and just sex me up.

    alternatives sound cool but maybe bring it up while she’s not ‘riding the crimson waves’. when you bring it up during that time, it just cheapens it and it makes you think ‘ok, you little sex addict, YOU get over it already’

    this is my opinion & that is all.

    • Dear Ellis,

      I didn’t mean it as in, “man up,” but I see what you mean. I agree. I should have stipulated that you have to make it seem incredibly nonchalant.

      The comment about bringing it up when she’s NOT on her period is a good one, and than you for that. I don’t know if I can agree with the sex addict thing, but I see what you mean. I just think at that time, it seems appropriate to state the obvious. Speaking of periods makes sense when the period is afloat.

      Period,
      Mario

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