She vs. He: Can I be weird and still be liked?

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Each week, Ouch My Ego‘s resident life coaches, Sara Montoya and Mario Leal, square off against one another, offering male and female perspectives on issues submitted by our readers. Send your boy/girl questions, concerns, grievances and scenarios to shehe@ouchmyego.com and let Mario and Sara weigh in on the dilemmas that ail you.

Dear Sara and Mario,

A woman’s come into my life. Since meeting her, the world is brighter. In my eyes reflect her incantatory beauty for which even the waters will wait. She is innocent and wonderful, auspicious even in the darkest caveats. She speaks to me with such fluidity in motion, lacking the defensive postures many women take on when talking to those she doesn’t trust. I’ve fallen like a rusted statue, left shivering and rusting more in the gutter that is the world when she’s not around. In case you haven’t picked up on my dilemma yet, allow me to state more simply: how do I avoid revealing too much too soon? She’s a scorpio see, and a classic one at that. She makes me painfully aware that perhaps my chakras are not in order and any woman who does that, any person really, we can all attest, begs for complete openness. Unfortunately, a scorpio demands of her mate to discover for herself the qualities which make, in this instance, me desirable. More unfortunately, I’m a libra and, well, I’m impatient when it comes to relationships of all kinds. I see the connection immediately and if it’s not acknowledged I feel like we’re all wasting time. What do I do? And don’t tell me be honest, that’ll be my ruin, as well as show me you took no real interest in my dilemma.
-Anonymous

Sara:

Wow. Okay, well, to anyone else in this situation, my real answer would be: if you don’t want to reveal too much too soon, don’t! It’ll just freak them out, and you’ll end up pushing them away. I would suggest enjoying your time dating and getting to know them, not just talking about yourself. But, since you won’t have that, apparently, I’ll have to resort to saying it in a way that you’ll understand which might be difficult, since I don’t study the New Age section at Barnes & Noble.

I don’t subscribe to the idea that incompatibility in astrological signs is a deal breaker when it comes to relationships. At all. I don’t believe that astrological signs have any effect on anything. You’re not impatient because you were born between September 23 and October 22. That’s just one of your personality traits. Her being born between October 23 through November 21 has nothing to do with your relationship either. You described her as a control freak. So, your situation really is how does a strange, impatient individual go about courting a control freak? Period. Fuck auras, fuck fate, fuck Libras and Scorpios and whatnot. Those are just cop outs for not trying to make a relationship successful. And really lame cop outs at that. Just be real.

You know, I don’t think your seemingly dire situation has anything to do with your eerie metaphysical views at all, but it has everything to do with you. I don’t think you have to worry about your openness scaring this girl off, because your manner of expressing yourself will most certainly do the trick. I mean, it’s awesome that you found someone that peaks your interest in such a manner, but saying thing like, “In my eyes reflect her incantatory beauty for which even the waters will wait” is really strange. It makes you sound like a First Class Creeper for sure. You’re trying way too hard, and that’s awkward. The line between being eloquent and sounding like your quoting Charles Dickens isn’t that fine of a line at all, and you’ve managed to mix it up completely. Just quit trying so hard.

If you want this to work out, put away your power beads and your horoscope, and take your time getting to know her. Talk about personal values, experiences, silly things, beliefs, etc. There’s no rush. Really. Have fun.

Mario:

If you talk to this girl the way you introduced the question, then this is doomed to fail. You’re clearly delusional. Not only did you manage to come up with an already answered question -last week’s honesty is the best course of action – but you managed to do it in a way that shows you’re clearly more self-involved than interested in a relationship. This is nothing but self aggrandizing.

Although this fellow Libran understands the plight of needing to be in union, I don’t understand why you’re making it such a big deal. But here’s what you do. Play it cool, and always seem as you’re in control.

You’ve already shown off your ability to say loads off useless information without giving substance. I’d use that to my advantage. Make the conversations long and drawn out. Use tangents to lead into other conversations without really answering or divulging too much. When you think you’ve been caught, or you think that you’re about to give a piece of information go back to what you were originally saying and mention, “sorry I went off on a tangent there.” This will provide hours and hours of conversations that go nowhere. This is what you learn in philosophy classes.

You should also focus on what it is that you’re trying to avoid her to find out, as well as the things you want her to. There’s a way to sway the conversation without letting people know you’re controlling them. If you don’t think you’re able to adequately do this, I’d pick up some plays. They’re quick, they’re easy to get through, and they’re all dialogue. You’ll figure out how to turn a phrase. Movies work well too. I’d solely focus on ones that are filled with witty dialogue. There’s always someone making double and triple entendres. This is what a Scorpio would love, because they’re always (in vain) trying to be deeper and more interesting than they really are. They’ll dig your subtext.

I’d give this a few days or maybe just a few conversations. If you don’t think it’s your style, ditch it. Then, just shut the hell up and fuck. That’s something else Scorpios are known for: their status as the astrological hoe. What’s that line from Eternal Sunshine? They fuck people to get them to like them.


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