How 2 Be 2 Radical 4 Luv

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People ask me all of the time how I became such a ladykiller. Usually, I tell them to get a clue. But then I thought about starting my own PUA Empire and going around giving demonstrations and writing books about how to be good with the ladies, JLG (“Just Like George”). Alas, that sounded like a lot of effort and I will probably make my first million blogging anyways, so here it is: all of my best secrets- or how to be 2 radical 4 luv.

 

2 radical 4 croquet
2 radical 4 croquet

1. Start your own music blog // show promoting business // chillwave side project. This is a good idea if you know more about music than all of your friends and/or acquaintances. Hardly anyone in the valley actually knows about good music, so it’s really important that you teach them things like the correct pronunciation of “Miike Snow.” Read a few blog posts on musicology first so you actually know what you’re talking about. Start throwing shows- soon you will be hip and in the know. You should use some mad rad graphics on your fliers and make a facebook fan page to promote your new brand. Definitely give yourself a pseudonym and wear a mask and/or hide behind a curtain so your identity remains shrouded in mystery. Once you are really successful, ask Nick if you can have a DJ night at Ambrosia. This will be a party no one ever forgets. You will make so much money playing every week at those $2 shows. You will drunkenly cry into your wads of dirty, crusty cash at 2am because no one actually knows the real you. This is what it means to be alone at the top, but at least you can afford the new Strokes LP on vinyl.

 

2. Join an extra-curricular activity. I am a proud member of the McAllen Algonquin Bocce and Croquet Social Club. We start in the spring. We will meet once a month and drink mint juleps and play lawn games. I am also a founding member of the McAllen Make-Out Club. We only exist on Facebook right now. But both of these outlets will keep me mad active in the future. If you want to be super radical, you should start your own extra-curricular activity. Preferably, it should be something eccentric that no one else is doing right now. This activity is also good because will keep you out of trouble. It is like how they say that marching band and football keep people from joining gangs in the 7th grade. Your weekend pickup Bridge league will keep you from doing cocaine and making irresponsible life choices at four in the morning. Do not talk to me about your kickball team.

 

Keep San Antonio Lame
Keep San Antonio Lame

3. Be determined to move to Austin and tell anyone that will listen about your resolve. Then do it. Then move back six months later. This is my preferred method of keeping the women at bay. With all of those moving costs and extravagant going away parties, you will always have an excuse for not picking up the tab. This will also get you a lot of play. You are now a rare commodity. Girls that previously found you only remotely attractive will come out of the wood work in droves. This is because you have become unattainable over night. No time for love, plenty for lust. This is a successful technique almost all of my friends have at some point used in their lives to distract themselves from the mundane. Do not tell people you are moving to San Antonio- they will just laugh at you behind your back.

 

happy valentines day… whatever.

How do you stay 2 radical 2 luv? Are you happily attached? Forever alone? Hit the comments and tell us your secrets!

Snooki's sage wisdom
Snooki's sage wisdom

[learn_more caption=”Photo credits”]

smoker: http://jblyth.com/

croquet: http://jthorpephoto.com

snooki: http://gifparty.tumblr.com/

Keep San Antonio Lame: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pfrench99

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