Blessed are the forgetful.
“I think we’re gonna be so close.” These words ruled my life for little under three years. My fascination with the romanticism of Ernest Hemingway got the best of me and I failed to follow my father’s advice. I fell in love.
Recently I was throwing out a couple of letters and drawings this person had given me. They were beautifully written, lovesick, journal entries and the drawings were filled with such beauty I was in awe every time I saw a new one in my mailbox. Anyway, as I was scrambling through these notes I came across a piece of paper that read, “You’re my golden light, i love you.” As silly as this may be, this brought me to tears. I could not see this person ever saying this now due to the silly circumstances but it felt so god damn familiar. And right. It felt so right.
[youtuber youtube=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH3m5o230-c’]
My love/hate relationship with Twin Shadow is based solely on the experiences I had with one person. Musically Twin Shadow provides a safe haven for me: crisp, dream-like vocals with smooth guitar tones and Neruda-esque lyrics. However; emotionally Twin Shadow wrecks me. “I’m in love with with my memories. You’re alone with my stuttering heart”
The last time I saw Twin Shadow live I was madly in love. I wore the jean jacket she bought me and the shoes she loved so much. She wasn’t physically there, but she was in spirit. As I stood in the front of the crowd, I pictured her next to me. Dancing with me, singing with me. It wouldnt matter if she and I were the worst dancers in the world, we wouldn’t stand still. “Please leave us alone, when we’re dancing.”
[youtuber youtube=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNpq942YT50′]
I’m seeing Twin Shadow very soon, but this time everything is completely different. I no longer am a lovesick boy. I no longer am seeing them because of a mix cd a girl gave me. I’m seeing them for me. I’m seeing them to put an end to this chapter of my life. Heartbreak sometimes seems like a blackhole that keeps sucking you back in, one that you can not escape no matter how hard you try and it might very well be just that, but it also is a beautiful thing. It is both my favorite daydream and my famous nightmare.
